Fractured Genius

Taking the first giant step

2008-02-27T02:48:00.000-08:00

On the first day, I tried hard not to call Ammu. It would look silly. Then late evening, I heard her voice. Wow, it felt nice. Ammu's opening line was "Ma, I didn't think of you the whole day." Hmmm, kind of telling. She then told me how she had come outside the hotel to call as it would be expensive to call from there. (Must say, I like her school more and more. There is one teacher that I like...Jayashree.)

It was brief call. She ended by telling me to ask Chandru to call her. Ammu has taken the first adult step. Of being on her own, with her friends.

Ammu is back and full of stories. Of standing in Papanashi river in her swimsuit; near where accha had stood in order to pray to departed souls and wash away their sins. Of how the natural tank in Edakkal Caves did not have clean and flowing water like the last time that she was there.
The highlight for Ammu was visiting her best friends' grandparent's house in a place called Ambalavayal in Wayanad. I like the way Ammu described the estate--"amma, the background was full of pepper." Indeed, like a wall paper, may be. Not totally off the mark because all trees had pepper vines growing on them.

She bought a curd/butter churner (not sure what it is called...) for me and showed it to me proudly. Sweetheart. When I asked her, what else she got for me, she fixed me a look and said, "I did not buy anything for me--only for you." Ahem.

I am sure I will be worried each time she goes out like this. But I do hope she travels a lot within India during her school days. Travelling has a way of changing your perspectives. I hope Ammu acquires a whole new perspectives to everything and does not get caught in my petty prejudices.

FG

Ammu's solo outstation trip

2008-02-22T00:39:00.000-08:00

The day has finally come. Tomorrow morning at 5 am Ammu will be going with her classmates and three teachers to Wayanad for 3 days. This is the first time that Ammu will be staying without me and Chandru.

How I have been waiting for this moment. Ammu does not stay with my side of the family nor Chandru's, despite knowing them very well, without one of us. This trip was initially planned for September last year but due to unexpected rains had to be cancelled. Another attempt was made and again had to be cancelled for another reason. This is the third one. I was thrilled.

Now, that the time is aproaching, I find myself feeling terrible. How will I spend 3 days without her? Without seeing her, shouting at her, what have you? It is a different story that I have left Ammu and travelled for work. But now that she is going, my heart is feeling kind of funny. I am worried in parts. Will she be okay? Will the ride and journey be okay? I hope she does not get lost from the crowd. All kinds of wierd thoughts. Yet, I am happy and thrilled for Ammu. It is her first trip, backpack and all without accha and amma.

Funny, never thought I would experience these. There is a better appreciation of moms and dads now.

FG

One man army--Part 3

2008-02-07T03:44:00.000-08:00

I for one cannot fathom how the rich and famous live. I am equally certain that I would feel like fish out of water in those environs. I would be afraid of being looked down for not being rich like them, for not having style and fashion consciousness, not having visited the restaurants they are talking of, oh, so many things.

Now, all the rich and famous might not be all of this. Some may be. But how should I know unless I am called to their homes? It is very much possible that they are one way; but they are also another way and not immune to the others like us. Possible. But we create walls around us--consciously and unconsciously. We do not include; instead we exclude.

We have fear in our hearts...yeah, some servants have killed their masters...but that does not stop us from hiring servants. We do not boycott the whole clan of servants--we simply say be careful when you are hiring them. Okay, so why do we brush regions, communities, languages as being one or the other?

Can't we see the pitfall? This is what I mean by saying that we should start looking at people as "PEOPLE." Then we see that person for what he/she is. It becomes easy to keep the bad ones away; keep the good ones.

Is it so complex to do? I don't think so. I think we have all become so convoluted in our thinking that we refuse to accept simple ways of life. We look at relationships through a looking glass to see what this relationship can do for us. Isn't knowing good enough? Should there be a motive?

It all boils down to us--we have to be the change for change to happen around us. Am I all there? Not yet. But that is my effort.

We should allow our hearts to open up. Don't read between the lines. We often land up reading things which were never there. And then end up believing not what was written but what was read.

FG

One man army--Part 2

2008-02-07T03:27:00.001-08:00

Okay, so, what is wrong with being an optimist? Not giving into the propaganda of hate perpetuated by those in power. Those in power will always exploit the powerless. We see instances of it day in and day out.

Yeah, we cannot do anything. Sure. About what others do. But we can surely do what we should do--by being fair in the treatment of all those who are less fortunate than us? Be conscious of not exploiting them. Not to get a vote of popularity but just so that our heart is in peace. By the way, we (as in the head may not acknolwedge it) but the heart always knows when something wrong is being done. You know it in your heart. Then our stupid head justifies the damn act.

I may not be able to stop the horrors commited by others but at least I can refuse to be a participant? I can disagree and continue to maintain that opening your home and heart to people is the best way to overcome the fear of the unknown.

If I continue to live with my own set of people is there anyway that I will ever figure out how the other lives? The other can be from a different class, language, region, country and all of that. Doesn't this affect our approach more than knowing the religion? I know how a christian/muslim in Kerala lives but haven't the faintest idea of how an upper caste Hindu in UP live. I would dread marrying into a home like that. (The same old fear... of the UNKNOWN. It is always that--UNKNOWN.)

FG

One man army--Part 1

2008-02-07T02:09:00.000-08:00

Ah, the price for being an eternal optimist.

Little did I know I would unleash this storm. It all started rather innocously at Rasheed maash's house. We met for a sumptous lunch of chicken biryani and chicken fry and the works. Being mallus, we did what comes naturally to us--start with a starter.

Remember, I had just returned the previous weekend from a trip to Vedchi, a village in Surat, Gujarat, having met with a man with Gandhian principles and way of life. I still had the halo effect on me. Intermittently, I let some of my thoughts out. Some agreed; some disagreed; but just about. Nothing disastrous until this point. Must confess, I had not revealed my dark side either :-)

In the evening, we met again. This time 4 others joined. A mother, son and two hardened and dyed-in-wool political reporters. (I am sure they will kill me for saying this. But that is the fun of writing a blog. They can only grit their teeth.)

What happened an hour after is nothing short of mayhem. One person, who happened to be the better half of the writer, slinked away stating some vague reason. Smart. Guess he knew better than to hang around with 4 women and 5 men discussing among other things politics, religion and all of that! Better still, while others gritted their teeth, he might just have strangled me. Ah, now that is good reason to stay away.

Not that he would have entirely disagreed with my "love" and "loving" as the only means of countering this violence that is so endemic to all of us now. But he would certainly not have liked my choice of words to counter the argument though.

FG

Discussion with Narayan Desai--Hindu-Muslim Conflict Part 2

2008-01-30T02:27:00.000-08:00

Discussions with ND continues....he is calm and composed. We are confused; not him.

3. Is there anyway that we can overcome this? What can we youth do?

Yes, you can. Keep your mind and heart open. Welcome Muslims into your life and homes. Invite them. They may not come the first time; call them. May not come. Call again. Keep at it. Keep the channels of communication open. You will see that there is so much misconceptions that we carry about each other.

The minute we start to see this, our fears dissolve. Get them together for your festivals. Play together....not necessarily competitive sport as it may lead to aggression in the beginning. But anything small....

Politicians play on fear---they use it to manipulate.

4. Why are all terrorists Muslims?

Indira Gandhi was killed by a Sikh. Rajiv Gandhi was killed by LTTE cadre. They were not muslims. We have witnessed several killings not done by the muslims. Yes, in Bombay, the killings were done by the Muslims. It is the act of the weak. This is how the weak responds to the strong.

Then there is this story that we have been fed for years. Hindus are weak and cannot fight but Muslims are strong and are fighters. We then tend to magnify this and say if this is what Hindus do, imagine what Muslims can do.

Forget everything...you don't have to like a mussalman; you may not relate to anything but you can surely look at him as a human being? As a person and relate to him like that? What stops us from seeing them as people?

5. But the system drives it one way. You cannot mention a muslim as a friend in a visa application as it will get rejected.

If you let the system muscle you, do you call it freedom? You are not free then. You must stand up as an individual. For yourself.

6. How do you look at the globalisation of Islam with Muslims from India aligning with the cause of Palestine? Where do you think all this is going?

Yes, that is happening. There are reasons for it. You cannot only blame the muslims for this. Christians are equally responsible. When words such as crusade is used by the American president to describe violence by a few individuals, it indicates the coming together of the Christian world against Islam. Such statements can only cause trouble.

FG

Discussion with Narayan Desai--Hindu-Muslim Conflict Part 1

2008-01-29T23:26:00.000-08:00

We were a motley bunch of city breds visiting Vedchi as guests of Narayan Desai. It was 4.30 pm and we all assembled in the community hall to hear his views on Hindu-Muslim conflict.

Strange, why we never considered Hindu-Christian conflict?

We tossed him many questions. And this is what he had to say.

1. What is relgion?
Religion (dharm) is that which brings people together. Irreligion (adharm) is that which separates people.

So, now we are in the grips of irreligious feelings. Now I know why we feel the way we do.

2. Muslims are being appeased by the Indian government.
Sure they are being appeased by the government. Look closely and see in what ways they are being appeased. By giving them subsidy for Haj. But do they have subsides for anything else? The politicians make sure that they do not get anything significant but they make a lot of noise about it. The facts are different. Go for facts and not what politicians tell you.

This tactic was deployed by the British and our politicians (irrespective of party) have simply taken up from where British left. Our history has been coloured to ensure that the divide between Hindus and Muslims remain. Did you know that there was no history of communal riots prior to the British? There were occasional fights between muslims and hindus but never communal fights, where people of one religion revenged another because of the act of an individual.

Like the Babri Masjid demolition. Carrying out an act 400 years later. Politicians want to highlight this and it has been documented thus in history. But how about the land gifted by Babar to build temple of Kashi? We don't want to highlight this. We are fed information which will keep us apart.

contd in part 2

Narayan Desai, a Gandhian

2008-01-29T22:52:00.000-08:00

He wakes up at 3.30 am, conducts a prayer to nature at 6 am, conducts his first class post the prayer, has breakfast by 7 am, continues with his teaching within the ashram, a 3-acre property which houses the Institute of Total Revolution, has lunch at 12.30 at the community hall, continues with his day conductng classes at the Gandhi Vidyapeet University, has dinner at 7 pm, goes into his study to read, retires by 9.30 pm.

That's the life of Narayan Desai, son of Mahadev Desai, who accompanied Mahatma Gandhi for 25 years and kept a note of all that transpired during that time. Narayan, a child then, spent a few of his initial years absorbing the discipline of Gandhi. His time with the stalwarts of the time such as Jayaprakash Narayan is reflected in him. He continues to live much in accordance with the philosophy of "sampoorna kranthi" which called for grassroot level transformation of people and thus the nation.

The village of Vedchi, on the outskirts of Surat on the Bombay Ahmedabad expressway, witnessed the Bardoli movement. Remnants of the movement tell the story of Adivasis who live with dignity and pride, having been provided basic education. The village stands isolated for reasons better known to politicians, all of whom have hijacked our collective future.

For sure, we could have been a nation with far less disparity, in all ways--income, class, creed, religion.

Where did we go wrong? How did we go wrong? Can't figure out how we messed it all up so badly.

The answer perhaps lies in a statement of Narayan Desai in response to a question of why we responded the way we did although we are educated. He said, "because we are educated the way we are."

Telling answer. May be it is time we relooked at the word education and figured out what it is that we are telling our future generation. Are we subliminally teaching them to discriminate? May be it is time to simply tell our kids to look at people as people. Relate as individuals. Keep away from bad individuals and keep the company of good individuals.

Clearly, we need people from that era to teach us. I for one am glad that I had the opportunity to meet someone like Narayan Desai. I hope to leave one person with that legacy.

FG

Journey to Surat

2008-01-27T23:52:00.000-08:00

I am a proud mama. Ammu is becoming a good travel mate. We were on a visit to a village called Vedchi, located a little over an hour's journey from Surat.

It started with the air travel to Mumbai and a train to Surat. We did not have a reservation, so hopped into a ladies general compartment. The lower berth was full and so the two of us clambered to the top berth, backpack and all.

The lower berth had Gujarati women of sizeable proportion and they were engaged in their favourite passtime--eating. A little over 4 hours is what it took to reach Surat and by then the train was packed to the hilt, with me and ammu snadwiched between another two sizeable women on either side. The women to my right had a 3 year old son who convinced me that I should oppose tooth and nail if my daughter decided to marry a Northie. She is welcome to marry anyone--a christian, muslim, hindu, whatever--as long as that bloke is from the South of India. No compromises on that one.

By this time, my backpack was hauled away from me and dumped on the floor. Didn't stand a chance of fighting those women. Intelligence lies in knowing when to walk away. It was used as a footrest and trampled upon. Must credit Ammu with prodding me to tell the women not to trample it. When I said forget it, she exhorted me and said "ma, don't feel shy; just tell them." Like I said I am becoming proud of her companionship.

We managed to retrieve the bag, get down without touching those women who refused to move as their destination was Ahmedabad! Though horrified to see the crowd pushing to get in at Surat, we managed to jump out into the platform. Not at all bad for a child who has never ever had to travel in a train.

Mission successful.
FG

That time of the month

2008-01-21T03:25:00.000-08:00

It is that time of the month. Hormones are having a field day. Everyone around is having a terrible time. That includes husband, mom-in-law and daughter. My dog, of course, is spared my foul temper.

It impedes, among other things, hearing as well. This is what I figured later, when calm descended. Hubby said something; I heard something; I interpreted it my way; chaos prevailed.

Ammu must have thought that mom has lost it. I surely must have for those few minutes. The only saving grace is that she will turn a woman too and I can tell her.

I suppose it is best to take off on those days to some land unknown.

FG
20th Jan 2008

Umbrellas, bedsheets and snacks

2008-01-21T03:06:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday was crazy. I went totally ballistic. Came home to find the hallroom a holy mess. Ammu had made a house from two umbrellas and several bedsheets, blankets and pillows. To make matters worse, there was biscuits and chocos all over the floor.

What do you think I did? Thwack, thwack. Made her sweep and mop the floor. She is all of 7 and a half.

I should have been more gentle. But this is how it all happens.

FG
19th Jan 2008